Advice of the Day: Erase Your History & Clear Conversations

Aaaah, more moments to go down in Buttry household legend........Our parents have no clue how lucky they had it to be parenting us through our young years before Al Gore invented the internet. (Is internet capitalized when used in conjunction with Al's name???) I mean the most that could happen to embarrass you back then was for them to open a drawer & find something risque. Times have changed my friends. I have two examples to share with you, both proving why you should be careful with your phone/computer AND that the Buttrys live out scenes fit for Modern Family on a near-daily basis.

Scene One: Takes place today in our car, coming home from a Home Depot run.

ME: Someday, when you have kids, you'll understand why your Dad & I expect you to behave. Either then, or when you're taken to jail.

BROOKS: Oh, I'm not having kids! I was, but you have to have a wife & I don't want a wife! I'm not getting married. Girls are just troublemakers & they BOSS you around ALL the time.

WYATT: Yeah.

ME: Well, you just need to be a good husband like your dad AND find a good wife like he did. (Laughter from the audience.) Sometimes you have to put up with a little bossiness but a good wife can make you very happy.

BROOKS: Oh, yeah, by the way, when Dad drove us back from Papa's the other day and we were texting you?

ME: Yes?

WYATT (he can never wait): We saw his text to you! We saw it!

ME: What text?

BROOKS (by now both laughing): The one where he says he had a stressful day at work & wants to take his smokin' hot, pretty wife to dinner! (Note: It actually said, "beautiful, charming and smokin' hot", to clarify.)

ME: Oh, THAT one. Sometimes it pays to feed your wife a line of bull too. Never hurts, boys.

(Chuck's response: Oh, I thought I cleared that!)

Scene Two: Takes place at home, a bit over a month ago, on a day that the boys were at school & Ryder was at home. I'm cooking in the kitchen. Ryder is on the Mac.

RYDER: Mommm????

ME: Yes?

RYDER: WHY is "Lingerie Diva" one of our Top Sites on the Mac?

ME (picture my horror-stricken look, please): Oh, I thought I reset those.

(Note: Then I decide to just be frank. She's 15 & not at all stupid. She will know I'm not buying bras.)

ME: Well, you know Valentine's Day is coming up. You want your dad to be happy now, don't you?

RYDER (putting head in hands on desk): OH MY GOD, I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE ONE MORE DAY. TWO YEARS. I HAVE TWO MORE YEARS!

ME: At least you have parents who love each other.

RYDER: UGH. Please shut up.

(Note my response: Oh, I thought I cleared that.)

I'm giving you all 10 minutes to go clear your devices now. For your own good. And that of the next generation. I guess all you "goody two-shoes" get off scot-free!